Getting Them Out: The Kids Are Grown Now cont'd

In the previous article entitled Taking Back Your Life: The Kids Are Grown Now I mention that it is now time for you to enjoy your life. But what if your grown kids/young adults still live with you and you can't get them out of your home. Sometimes, these young adults get comfortable with the thought of saving and spending their money as they please (if they have any) while they live off of you virtually rent and debt free. When do they grow up? When do they leave? When are you completely free?

It all depends on your situation, and the purpose that young adult serves in your home. I haven't forgotten about those situations where they are needed for care of a household member, or they may actually help out with your bills. In those cases, they will typically leave at some point. Just make sure you are saving the extra money while they are helping you out. You can save for yourself or for them, depending on your personal and financial situation.

For those who need to leave and take on the adventure of adult life, here are a few tips on getting them out of your home:

1. Annoy them to no end. If you annoy them, they will eventually leave. The key is to find something to complain about everyday. Eventually they will leave because they can no longer take the nagging and insults. Move their stuff around. Go through their things. It's all cruel but it works.

2. Move and leave them where they are. They can't stay there without you, so they will have to leave to. That only works if you are currently renting, but it is easy to do. When you move, downsize to a smaller home with less bedrooms. Where there is no space there is no place....for them.

3. Discuss the situation with them. This typically a good technique for a mature young adult. Have a long conversation about his/her/their long-term and short-term plans, and ask where they see themselves over the next year or two. Hopefully, they see themselves outside of your home. If not, let them know how important independence is to their growth and development as an adult.

4. Make them sign a short-term lease, where they pay your rent on a monthly basis. Don't make the rent too small. It will get them too comfortable. Price it a little high, create a savings account, and secretly save the part of the rent your really don't need in the account for future use. The future use will be you giving them that part back later as a downpayment for a home or apartment. The short-term lease cannot be renewed. If you allow renewals, this is making them too comfortable with the situation and gives them a sense of ownership in your home. After the short-term lease is up (or 1 month prior to the end-date), sit down and discuss their moving plans. Let them know you have saved some money for them to move with and you will give it to them on moving day.

It hurts to push your kids out who are now adults, but it has to happen. Otherwise, they will not learn responsibility in life. Now, don't get me wrong. The job market is very hard to get into these days. People are firing more than their hiring. So, if the young adult is making a conscious and active attempt at finding employment and housing, then be a little patient. You are still his/her parent. However, if they are making no efforts or attempts at becoming independent you have to give him/her the push that may be needed into adulthood.

Try what works for you and your offspring(s). And for the parents who can't let go of their kids/young adults who want to move...LET GO!. Let them have the same chance at adulthood as you did. Cut that umbilical cord, and beginning to get to know yourself. Enjoy your life and the you that has been subdued for years. You're free!


Here are some suggestions for those young adults who are having a hard time (procrastinating):

Apartment Finder
Apartment Guide
Rent.com

Careerbuilder
Hot Jobs
Monster.com