Do You: Making It to 30 and Beyond

Today, I've been thinking about how much I have grown as a person over the last few years. I am not yet 30, but I'm beginning to realize why 30 is such a comfortable age. Turning 30 is different for everyone, but the process of getting to 30 is the same. I still have a little time before I reach the mark, but I'm in preparation for the great years ahead.

The tumultuous 20s, as I call them, are the years where you have fun and find yourself. Having fun is the easy part, but finding yourself is where the hard work takes place. Each year that I get closer to 30, I have noticed a few changes in my attitude, perceptions of situations and life events, and goals. The best way to describe where I was in my different stages of the 20s is below.

Early 20s

1. Excited
2. Ready for change
3. Friendly
4. Free spirited
5. Compassionate (at all times)
6. Unrestrained
7. Hopeful
8. Broke all the time

Mid 20s

1. Depressed
2. Tearful
3. Doubtful
4. Insecure
5. Stressed
6. Confused
7. Broke most of the time
8. Regretful

Late 20s

1. Secure with myself
2. Happy about life
3. More self confidence
4. Less stressed
5. Financially conscious and broke occasionally (we're in a recession)
6. Patient
7. Selfish. I actually think about myself these days.
8. More health conscious with regards to preventative care
9. More responsible.
10. Less accepting of foolishness
11. Less regretful
12. Forgiving
13. I ignore people....A LOT.
14. I'm comfortable with saying "NO".

The development over time has surprised me. I feel like a lab rat that is thrown into adverse situations repeatedly to see how it will come out in the end. Life has definitely thrown me some hoops, but I would not change a thing. Through these past few years, I have definitely learned that stress is not worth the pain that it can cause to your mind, body, and soul. My advice to you all is to let go. Forgive. Don't be full of regrets. You cannot turn back the hands of time. The only reason you should look back is to learn from past mistakes.

One thing I have learned is to keep the excitement you had in your early 20s for the rest of your life. Life will go on whether you are dead or alive, so don't let stressful situations shorten your life. Look at it like this. If you go to work everyday and work hard (instead of smart) to meet your deadlines and numbers but you're not taking care of yourself, when you die from exhaustion and stress guess what will happen. Someone will be hired to fill your place.

Do you! At the end of the day, don't let people tell you who you should be. Do you. Live your life. Enjoy yourself. Enjoy who you are and who you've grown to be. Even enjoy what you've been through. Your life experiences are what make you who you are. Growing into a mature adult has taught me to spend more time pleasing myself rather than consuming myself with pleasing others. Yes, you can do nice things for people in your life and be considerate, but you also have to think about yourself sometimes.

When did you become so insignificant that you began to not matter? You are as important as you family, friends, husband, wife, kids, pets, boss. Just do you! No two people in this world are "exactly" alike, so be comfortable in your uniqueness. Don't worry about what people think of you. Who are they to judge? Do you!

Last but not least, ignore people and don't feel bad about it. To minimize confusion, stress, and irritation, I ignore people, friends, family, etc on a regular basis. You have to do that sometimes. When I say ignore, I mean literally tune out their conversations. I've found out over time that when you listen to all of everyone's words, stories, and issues it will overload your brain and take away from your own sanity. So, just ignore people...unless you're a therapist. It actually works quite well, unless someone asks you something about a previous conversation. In those cases, just nod your head and change the subject. In short, DO YOU!

LIVE SMART, LOVE LIFE, AND ENJOY EVERY MOMENT THAT IS GIVEN TO YOU!

Getting Them Out: The Kids Are Grown Now cont'd

In the previous article entitled Taking Back Your Life: The Kids Are Grown Now I mention that it is now time for you to enjoy your life. But what if your grown kids/young adults still live with you and you can't get them out of your home. Sometimes, these young adults get comfortable with the thought of saving and spending their money as they please (if they have any) while they live off of you virtually rent and debt free. When do they grow up? When do they leave? When are you completely free?

It all depends on your situation, and the purpose that young adult serves in your home. I haven't forgotten about those situations where they are needed for care of a household member, or they may actually help out with your bills. In those cases, they will typically leave at some point. Just make sure you are saving the extra money while they are helping you out. You can save for yourself or for them, depending on your personal and financial situation.

For those who need to leave and take on the adventure of adult life, here are a few tips on getting them out of your home:

1. Annoy them to no end. If you annoy them, they will eventually leave. The key is to find something to complain about everyday. Eventually they will leave because they can no longer take the nagging and insults. Move their stuff around. Go through their things. It's all cruel but it works.

2. Move and leave them where they are. They can't stay there without you, so they will have to leave to. That only works if you are currently renting, but it is easy to do. When you move, downsize to a smaller home with less bedrooms. Where there is no space there is no place....for them.

3. Discuss the situation with them. This typically a good technique for a mature young adult. Have a long conversation about his/her/their long-term and short-term plans, and ask where they see themselves over the next year or two. Hopefully, they see themselves outside of your home. If not, let them know how important independence is to their growth and development as an adult.

4. Make them sign a short-term lease, where they pay your rent on a monthly basis. Don't make the rent too small. It will get them too comfortable. Price it a little high, create a savings account, and secretly save the part of the rent your really don't need in the account for future use. The future use will be you giving them that part back later as a downpayment for a home or apartment. The short-term lease cannot be renewed. If you allow renewals, this is making them too comfortable with the situation and gives them a sense of ownership in your home. After the short-term lease is up (or 1 month prior to the end-date), sit down and discuss their moving plans. Let them know you have saved some money for them to move with and you will give it to them on moving day.

It hurts to push your kids out who are now adults, but it has to happen. Otherwise, they will not learn responsibility in life. Now, don't get me wrong. The job market is very hard to get into these days. People are firing more than their hiring. So, if the young adult is making a conscious and active attempt at finding employment and housing, then be a little patient. You are still his/her parent. However, if they are making no efforts or attempts at becoming independent you have to give him/her the push that may be needed into adulthood.

Try what works for you and your offspring(s). And for the parents who can't let go of their kids/young adults who want to move...LET GO!. Let them have the same chance at adulthood as you did. Cut that umbilical cord, and beginning to get to know yourself. Enjoy your life and the you that has been subdued for years. You're free!


Here are some suggestions for those young adults who are having a hard time (procrastinating):

Apartment Finder
Apartment Guide
Rent.com

Careerbuilder
Hot Jobs
Monster.com

Taking Back Your Life: The Kids Are Grown Now

So, you're parent and you have finally reached the stage of your life where your kids are all grown up. They are either going to college, in college, or at home with mom adults who just got out of college. They no longer need your guidance, instruction, and daily parenting on a regular basis. Your job is done. So, WHAT NOW!

Your new life begins today. The only problem is that you either feel guilty about retiring some of your parenting duties, or someone in your life is making you feel bad about taking the pacifier out of your kids mouths. I have one piece of advice to give. IGNORE THE HATERS. You have done your job. If your young adult makes mistakes in life, at this point, it is their responsibility. Now, there are cases where parents are definitely still needed in helping to build structure in young adults. Advice can be offered to your young adults at that point, but their decisions become learning experiences for them. You don't want them to make any of the same mistakes that you made as a young adult, but sometimes you have to live and learn. That is life.

So, it is now time for you to detach the umbilical cord, and live! What do you plan on doing with your new free time? You have a new lease on life. No more games, no more parent-teacher meetings, no more track meets, no more practices, and no more pre-planned weekends (planned by the kids).

Here are a few suggestions to handling your new born freedom:

1. Go on your 1st vacation without you offspring(s).
2. Make every weekend count. Go to the park, a movie, shopping for yourself only, or just sit back and enjoy the quiet and comfort of an empty home.
3. Spoil yourself.
4. Become a little selfish.
5. Sleep.
6. Start a savings account, or build on your current investments.
7. Get your tubes tied (if you haven't already done so).
8. Do the things you've avoided for years because of your obligation as a parent.
9. Rejuvenate your relationship with your spouse or significant other.
10. ENJOY BEING YOU

Congratulations on reaching this new chapter in your life! Now enjoy yourself. Book a trip and celebrate. You earned it.


Picture from http://www.flickr.com/photos/ilovethecolts/470526128/