The Dating Chronicles of Cheré (Ch.9): Time Waits for No One?

Patience is a virtue, and it is one that I definitely have. I went to a restaurant one day to kill some time while I was waiting for my car to get repaired. Never would I have thought that this would be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.

One of my friends and I chose this particular restaurant because it was close to the car shop and it seemed to be very nice from the outside. It was even more beautiful inside. Once we were seated, out waitor began to help us with all of our restaurant needs. The service was good, the atomosphere was nice, and the waitor at the next table was flirting with me quite openly.

He started by coming by to check on us even though it wasn't his table. Each time he came by, he rested his hand on my shoulder and back. He then said something to our waitor in private, which I'm assuming was him giving our waitor the heads up that he liked me. Well, this flirting continued during the entire meal. I'm gonna be real right now. Don't bother me while I'm eating. I am paying for this food and want to enjoy it. By the time he got done hanging out at the table, I couldn't even remember what I had to eat. Great.

Once I was done with my meal and my friend was on her phone, he gathered the confidence to ask for my number and ask me out. I figured, why not. I'm single. I have some free time, and this may give me another funny story to tell. I didn't know how great the story would be until later the next week.

Things went well at first. He called me a few times...not too much. We had decent conversations...not too long. We set a date for our first date. This is when things fell apart. I went to the location of our date and waited for him. He called to let me know he was running late. He was sorry, but he wasn't off of work yet.

WAIT A MINUTE. You are at work. Why did you schedule this date if you had to work? This made no sense to me at all. The place we were meeting at was a Latin club. So, I was able to enjoy the view of the dance floor while waiting for him. As time passed I got worried and my cell phone was beginning to die. I was getting irritated and this was just plain embarassing.

He then called to let me know an hour later that he was still at work. At this point I could leave because I had just finished a drink. I informed him that I would be there for another hour and a half. So, an hour later he called letting me know that he was outside of the club but he left his ID at work. The is just wonderful. Not only are you 2 hours late but you also don't have yourself together. Did I go outside to meet him since he couldn't get in...NO! It was not my fault that he was 2 hours late and ill prepared. I did not want to see him at that point.

I spoke to him once after that, and he wanted to see me badly. Badly would mean that you plan for a date on your off night or inform me in advance that you have to work before the date. I'm an understanding woman. But to have me go to the club and wait. That is not good. Classic foolishness!

The Dating Chronicles of Cheré (Ch.8): No Hablo Inglés

When I say I date a range of men, I mean a broad range of men. I don't discriminate and I try not to judge. But sometimes, I just want to give up. One thing I have learned about dating different people from different walks of life is that all races are really similar in some way. When I date outside of my race, I rarely find any major differences other than some cultural differences between the guys.

With that being said, I now have found that I have to set some major guidelines for who I'm willing to date in or out of my race because foolishness can occur in any race. Today you will learn a little secret about me. I love salsa dancing. It has become a hobby for me, and I frequent various salsa and Latin clubs (there is a difference).

In going dancing frequently, I tend to meet several interesting characters and an occasional cool person. In the story of "No Hablo Inglés," I went to a Latin club on this particular night to just chill and dance a little. The night started out okay. I sat at the bar, ordered a drink, and just watched a few people dance. This is when a young Latin guy approached me. He asked how I was doing and if I was married or in a relationship. I replied "no". He then sat next to me and we spoke for a second, but the music was loud so I couldn't hear him clearly.

After we spoke for a while, some random dude literally came and sat between us and starting talking to me. Didn't you see me talking to someone else or are you really going to ignore the dude that is right behind you. Well, I quickly realized that the guy who sat between us was very, very, very, very, very, very drunk....very. Though drunk, he somehow found it appropriate to follow me around the club for 30 minutes. Why me? It could be my undeniable beauty or my wonderful personality that draws these men to me. (I like myself. What can I say?!).

Finally, the guy got ready to leave the club, but not before he felt that it was appropriate to kiss me on my cheek and forehead. I really didn't want drunken, stinky, spit on my face but why should I expect anything less at this point. After his passionate forehead kiss and dreamy/drunken eye stare at me, he left. THANK GOD.

I thought things would be fine from that point. I began to speak to my Latin friend again, but now a friend of his joined us. His friend coerced him into dancing with me even though he couldn't dance, so I was highly disappointed. I was disappointed because he couldn't dance. I was mad that his friend was making a fool out of him and he didn't realize it. I even told him that his friend was making a fool of him, but he just nodded and smiled...which was a warning sign that he couldn't speak English well.

I did forget to mention that I made the accident of giving him my number at the bar. This is important to know later. Well, finally he stopped trying to dance with me. So, I started dancing with people who could dance because I could. For starters, I'm single. Secondly, I did not come with him. He didn't feel the same way. He signaled that I should get off of the dance floor, and I did not. When I did get done dancing and begin talking to other people, he had the nerve to continuously tap me on my back as if he had temporarily lost his mind. Oh yeah, and he felt that it was important to kiss me on my mouth. Yuck.

I finally got tired of the situation and left the club. Actually, I had to quickly walk out of the club because he was trying to gather his belongings as if he was going with me. No, thank you. The next 7 days, I received hourly calls from him in Spanish...some with music and some without. Did I mention that I do not speak Spanish fluently.

This next part will seem weird, only because I like to get the most out of a situation so that the story can be even better when I tell it later. So what did I do. I decided to not call him back, but instead text him in Spanish only. I love online translators. The strange thing was that he was texting me in English. He then began leaving me messages in English. I didn't understand what was going on. Was he using an online translator also. I don't think so because he was texting me from bars in the middle of the day while he was drunk. So what was going on.

All of my questions were answered in one simple conversation. Mr. No Hablo Inglés' co-worker called me and let me know that he had been and would continue to be Mr. No Hablo Inglés' translator. He explained that he was the one who was calling and leaving me messages in English on Mr. No Hablo Inglés' behalf. He also explained that if I ever needed to say anything to Mr. No Hablo Inglés, I could contact him first and he would translate. But more importantly, he wanted to know if I had a Latina friend he could talk to.

I didn't understand why this even made sense to them. If we can't understand each other and you have to have someone tell you everything that I'm saying while we are on the phone, wouldn't it make sense to not call me anymore. I had even previously told him not to call me because we were not compatible. Confusing. Luckily, that was the last conversation.

I did take one thing from this situation. Using online translators can really help you to learn Spanish and any other language you are trying to learn. Oh yeah. I also learned that it is important that you can speak the language of the people you date. If not then move on.

The Dating Chronicles of Cheré (Ch.7): Mr. Hustle No Flow

Men come in all shapes, sizes, and levels. I try to date all types in order to be fair, but I think I went to far this time. I met Mr. Hustle No Flow at his job as a stocker at Wal-Mart. As a disclaimer, I know people who work there and have no problem with them. Wal-Mart employment is not the problem here. The problem in this story is that he was an aspiring rapper.

I enjoy rap music, and I like artists who are serious about there work. People who just rap at a party with there boys to a Jay-Z hit or T.I. single are not rappers in my world. They are rap lovers. Well, this guy appeared to be neither.

The first problem was how he approached me. "Hey Miss Lady, why don't you come over and holla at me." At first I said no because my name is not "Miss Lady", but after he kept asking I went ahead and spoke to him for a few minutes. THAT WAS MY FAULT. I accidentally initiated what I now call "foolishness in the making". I kept saying to myself, do not judge a book by its cover. Give him a chance. He just seemed a little childish, and I should've stuck with that first impression.

I didn't. Instead, I went out with him. Well, for the first and last date he called to inform me that his car was messed up and that he needed me to pick him up. Okay, I'll be nice and do this, plus in a way I wanted to test my theory on first impressions begin correct. I picked him up and transported him around on our date, and then I dropped him off at what I thought was his home. The date was okay, and afterwards we talked about his rapping career for a little while. I still remained nice and continued on with not judging him. (Also, I found out that he was 4 years younger than me and still growing.).

So, two days later I spoke to him. His car was still not working and he needed a ride home. I picked him up and took him to a "different" home. This place was his actual home. So...where did I drop him off the first time. Hmmmm???? Something sounds fishy here, but don't judge. This may make a good story one day...and it does. So we went to his place to chill for a second. He wanted to show me around, but when we walked in only one area had furniture. He had candles every where but no matches or lighters, and we used boxes as chairs. The worst part came when he asked me to use my cell phone as a light. Humphhh....the foolishness manifests into craziness and mayhem. Did you really just ask me to use my phone as a lamp? WHY ME???

Here's the kicker. I told him that I would be leaving now because this was ridiculous. He got a little mad and asked me to take him to his third home..."his baby's mama's house".

Thankfully, I didn't see Mr. Hustle No Flow again. I must admit that it was nice having a younger guy hit on me, and I am thankful for the story.

The Dating Chronicles of Cheré (Ch.6): Mr. Big

Sex in the City is one of my favorite shows. In the show, there is a character named Mr. Big. His name comes from Carrie's image of him on the show as this big hotshot business man who seems almost bigger than life. He has such a strong hold on her life, yet they had difficulties throughout the show maintaining a consistent relationship. But the main part of this synopsis is that "Carrie" gave him the name and the persona of being Mr. Big.

In my lifetime, I have had to wonderful opportunity of meeting my Mr. Big...in his mind. I met Mr. Big at a gas station one evening at a gas station on my way home. He was very nice, handsome, and offered to pump my gas. Many men don't offer that gesture these days, so I took it. We spoke for a few minutes, exchanged numbers and went our on ways.

Soon after, he called me and asked me for a date. I accepted and we met at a popular neighborhood restaurant. Things were nice. The conversation was interesting and fun. We kicked it off...until the waitress showed up. He kept mentioning that she wanted him and that he was getting annoyed by her being so direct with him. I was sitting at the same table as him and did not notice at any point the waitress even appearing to like him. If anything, she smiled at both of us because she eventually wanted a tip. So that brought me to the realization that his conceit was overwhelming him.

Aside from the waitress issue, things did go well. After the first date, we went on several others to various neighborhood restaurants. Things were nice. He began to tell me more about his businesses and his goals. He had 2 children and one would soon graduate from high school and move in with him. He also mentioned everything he owned, just to let me know that he could definitely take care of himself.

There weren't many problems with this picture, other than the fact that his son that would soon be graduating from high school was only 3 or 4 years younger than me. That was a little uncomfortable, but I got over it. The other issue was that he constantly talked about what he had and how he doesn't have to worry about anything in life. "That is just wonderful, but do we have to talk about money every day. Let's talk about you."

Well, eventually I got to know the real him. For starters, he was older than me but tried to act younger. If I wanted a young man I would have dated one. If I am dating you and you are significantly older than me, there is no need for you to try to put on the facade of a teenager. Thanks for trying but it is not necessary. He would turn his music up loud and try to dance hip hop. He was constantly testing out youthful phrases that just didn't work for him. It was so annoying yet hilarious to watch this foolishness.

The next problem was that as he began to mention his son more often, he spoke more about how much he disliked his son. He was dreading the fact that his son was coming to live with him, and that bothered me. What if I were to marry this man one day and have his child? Would he hate our kids too? These are things you have to think about at times.

Now, moving on to the bigger, funnier problems. Mr. Big invited me to his humble abode. He barbecued for me and the meal was delicious. He then went to get more comfortable, and came out from the back room like he was Michael Jordan with some boxer briefs on. No thank you. The first problem was that he had on boxer briefs with a tank top/wife beater tucked into them. The second problems was that he had socks on up to his knees and some flip flops. He had a medium to small build but he had a pot belly. So with the pants tucked in and the belly pushed out, this was definitely sexy. NOT! I left soon there after, but we were still cool.

So, he asked me out on another date, and we went to a nice spot downtown. Well, when I met him there I wasn't sure what to expect because he had been dressing a lot younger for the past few weeks. I don't know why I was surprised when I walked up to him and he had on a blue jean outfit with no shirt on under it. Really? You really thought it was appropriate to dress like that. You still have a pot belly. You are still old. And for some reason he was still overwhelmed by his arrogance.

Mr. Big was a nice guy, but that was the last time I saw him. Men like women with confidence, but woman like that attribute in men as well. Yes, he was arrogant, but he was not being himself. He was trying to change himself into what he thought I wanted. Do you! Just be yourself!

The Dating Chronicles of Cheré (Ch.5): Mr. No Neck

You would think I had learned my lesson, but I didn't. I let another friend hook me up with a guy 3 years later. Why me? Why?

I spoke to the guy a few times on the phone. He seemed okay so I did not mind the blind date. We agreed to meet for a movie. When I got to the theater, I looked around and waited for the guy who was supposed to sweep me off of my feet. However, I was still worried that the blind date would be unsuccessful and depressing.

I was right. The guy approached me, and all I could think was "where is his neck?" I mean for real, unless you are a state trooper on South Park or Smokey and the Bandit, you should have a neck. So, from that point I maintained my distance. One thing I have learned is that if you are not attracted to a person, there is NO point in faking it or pursuing something that will not work. Yes, personality is important in a relationship but let's be real. In most instances, the first thing that attracts you to a person is their appearance.

Now, I'm not saying that people who aren't 100% attracted to each other can't have a successful relationship. They can. I've seen it happen. I have seen socially attractive people marry people who are considered to be at the bottom of the totem pole for looks. So, love is much more than looks. But, what makes your boat float? What are you attracted to? Some people may just want an intellectual person, a religious individual, or just a very beautiful person on the inside and out. Others strictly go by looks.

For this situation, lets be real. I was in college. I was new to the dating scene, and I wanted someone who I was physically attracted to. Well, Mr. No Neck was not it. Once the movie ended, that was the last time I saw or spoke to Mr. No Neck. The lesson from this story is, if you know that your are not attracted to someone (unless you had a strong intellectual or spiritual attraction to this person) don't waste your time or settle. There are more fish in the sea.

The Dating Chronicles of Cheré (Ch.4): My Funny Valentine

I don't have many memorable Valentine's Days, but the ones that I do remember are just pitiful. Oddly, I still like the holiday but it has not been good to me.

The one I remember the most was from when I was in high school. One of my friends wanted to hook me up with her boyfriend's best friend. At first I was apprehensive, but I went ahead and let her set me up with him. What a great mistake that was!

The first time I spoke to him I was very nervous. Not only was this blind dating, but I had to rely on his conversation in order to judge his character initially. He was a good guy...great conversationalist. I was concerned about him though, because it seemed like each time I spoke to him he had just been in an accident. One time he had even taken his car to the shop to get it repaired and got in an accident leaving the shop. So, I duly noted that riding with him was not an option.

Well, things progressed over a month, yet I had not met him (strict parents). We finally went out on a date. I was so excited to meet him, but found that I was not attracted to him at all. He did have a good personality, so I did not judge him based on looks. We continued to talk for a few months. Things were getting comfortable. At this time, Valentine's Day was quickly approaching. The friendship/relationship began to progress, and I began to wonder how the day of love would go for me.

He did all of the right things. He called me early to wish me a Happy Valentine's Day. We talked several times throughout the day, until I got out of school. He then came to my parents' house to give me my card and gift. Everything was perfect. Then he politely informed me that he and his ex-girlfriend had started back dating and that she might be pregnant. Great! Is this really happening on Valentine's Day? Could you have waited until tomorrow or just done this yesterday? Why ruin VALENTINE'S DAY?

That is when I realized that Valentine's Day sucks. Well, it doesn't suck but it is not kind to the single and broken-hearted. The worst part of the story is that I was giving him a chance because I was not attracted to him in any way. I was trying not to be vain, but in the end I got duped. That would be the last time that someone got the best of me in that way.

The Dating Chronicles of Cheré (Ch.3): Pistol Flasher

So, I try my best not to typecast a profession (specifically law enforcement). For many years, people have told me that people in law enforcement can be a little crazy. I don't believe that is true in all cases...but I can see where that assumption could come from at times.

In being a nice individual, I gave officers another chance. This time, I went for another branch of law enforcement. Sheriff Pistol Flasher was a very nice individual at first. He was a little overly confident (arrogant), but it was becoming for him. He was about 10 years older than me and somewhat established. He had his own place, car, and money. He also had one child, and he told me that he saw the child frequently. Great!

Now the problems begin. He began to show how bossy and demanding he really was after the first few dates. He tried to keep me in my place a few times, then I began to see how serious he was about being a sheriff. I understand that when people know you are a sheriff or police officer, you have to begin carrying your "piece" on you at all times because people will sometimes try to attack law enforcement when they are off duty. So, maintaining safety is important.

HOWEVER, holding a gun in your hand as you escort me back and forth places is not necessary. He wasn't holding the gun to me, but he felt that he had to hold it out so that people would know he had it. Really! So, it is really necessary to walk around with a gun in your hand like you're in a Western movie? I don't think so. Well, that was the last time I saw him for two reasons. Walking around with a man with a gun in his hand scares me a little, and walking around with a crazy man who is constantly holding a gun scares me a lot.

Stand tuned for more stories of foolishness.

The Dating Chronicles of Cheré (Ch.2): So You Hate Your Mother

Just imagine walking into a home filled with stuffed animals. Every larger animal has it's own chair, and if one is moved there is a weird silence because you have moved the "stuffed" animal from it's seat.

Well, this is what I faced one of my dates with Officer Crazy. Now, I'm not saying that all police officers are crazy...just this one. Officer Crazy was very nice and mannerable during the beginning of our dating experience. He had much promise, until I visited him at the home that he shared with his mothered.

The first problem occurred when I walked into the house, saw the stuffed animals, and he started talking to them. Yes, he talking to each of them while using their names. A grown man, may I add.

The second problem started when he explained to me how much he enjoyed killing outdoor rodents (squirrels, possums, etc) because he knew some great recipes. Oh, really? [Note to myself...do not eat in this house].

The final problem started when his mom called for him. All I can say is that I have never heard a man cuss at his mother in the manner in which he cussed at his. He first yelled at her for speaking to him while I was there. He then commenced to cussing at her and calling her names. The nail that broke the camels back was when he threatened to take her cane from her so that she would not be able to get around the house.

CRAZY! All craziness. Luckily, I left the house alive and never returned.

The Dating Chronicles of Cheré (Ch.1): Is It Me?

My life has certainly been interesting. I have experienced several things, enjoyed life, and hit many curve balls that life has thrown at me. However, I can still say that the most compelling part of my life recently has been my dating experiences.

I often wonder what I have done so wrong as to deserve some of the characters that I have encountered over the span of my dating years. Surprisingly, each bad experience is topped by another more interesting and disappointing experience. Some say that when you repeatedly meet and date individuals who are incompatible with you it says something about your character and your judgement of character. Others say that if you attract people who are not good for you, deep inside that may be a desire of yours. In other words, you might like the bad boys. There also are a few who say that location is the key. Undesirable males seem to gravitate into the same areas at times.

At first I considered all of these suggestions as to why my Mr. Right has been incognito for all of my life. Where is he and what is taking him so long to find me? Is he having trouble finding me because I am making so many bad choices in my dating options. I've decided that the answer is no. The time that I have spent dating has been a learning lesson for me. I was a novice dater for years, learning the ropes on how to date. When do you play games? When do you become serious? When do you share your emotions? When do you start to care about the individual? These are all questions that I had to learn how to answer and master.

Well guess what...there is no mastering dating. Everyone is unique. Men and women each have characteristics within there respective genders that make them similar within their gender groups. However, you cannot typecast someone because of their gender. All men are not dogs. All women are not saints. There are good and bad people within both genders. So, basing a new relationship on past experiences is a big mistake. Yes, you have to learn from the past, but don't ponder on it. Learn and move forward. That is why I don't mind going through the experiences I have gone through. I have learned from each individual whom I've dated. They taught me what I do and don't want in a man, and they have shown me how unique people can be.

I have no regrets with my past dating experiences, because they have helped me to grow and develop into a seasoned dater and a narrator of foolishness. Yes, narrator. I now have the opportunity of sharing the hilarious date stories that I have experienced first hand.

One important thing I've learned from these experiences is that being upfront and honest is not a problem. Why go into dating with games? It makes no sense to constantly time when you call, avoid, or open up to an individual. Just be yourself. If you start off playing games in dating, that is how your relationship will end....as one big game. To me, playing games is equivalent to lying, because your are not representing your true self during the games. Honesty should be the backbone of any relationship. So, if you start off lying then guess what...lies will end up being the foundation of your relationship. Just be real. DO YOU!

Over the next few weeks, I will share a few stories of the comic and almost surreal situations that have occurred in my dating life. Some will life, some will cry (from laughing so hard), and others will be in disbelief that the dating game is so crazy these days. So, look out for "The Chronicles of Cheré," my real-life stories of dating mayhem.

Do You: Making It to 30 and Beyond

Today, I've been thinking about how much I have grown as a person over the last few years. I am not yet 30, but I'm beginning to realize why 30 is such a comfortable age. Turning 30 is different for everyone, but the process of getting to 30 is the same. I still have a little time before I reach the mark, but I'm in preparation for the great years ahead.

The tumultuous 20s, as I call them, are the years where you have fun and find yourself. Having fun is the easy part, but finding yourself is where the hard work takes place. Each year that I get closer to 30, I have noticed a few changes in my attitude, perceptions of situations and life events, and goals. The best way to describe where I was in my different stages of the 20s is below.

Early 20s

1. Excited
2. Ready for change
3. Friendly
4. Free spirited
5. Compassionate (at all times)
6. Unrestrained
7. Hopeful
8. Broke all the time

Mid 20s

1. Depressed
2. Tearful
3. Doubtful
4. Insecure
5. Stressed
6. Confused
7. Broke most of the time
8. Regretful

Late 20s

1. Secure with myself
2. Happy about life
3. More self confidence
4. Less stressed
5. Financially conscious and broke occasionally (we're in a recession)
6. Patient
7. Selfish. I actually think about myself these days.
8. More health conscious with regards to preventative care
9. More responsible.
10. Less accepting of foolishness
11. Less regretful
12. Forgiving
13. I ignore people....A LOT.
14. I'm comfortable with saying "NO".

The development over time has surprised me. I feel like a lab rat that is thrown into adverse situations repeatedly to see how it will come out in the end. Life has definitely thrown me some hoops, but I would not change a thing. Through these past few years, I have definitely learned that stress is not worth the pain that it can cause to your mind, body, and soul. My advice to you all is to let go. Forgive. Don't be full of regrets. You cannot turn back the hands of time. The only reason you should look back is to learn from past mistakes.

One thing I have learned is to keep the excitement you had in your early 20s for the rest of your life. Life will go on whether you are dead or alive, so don't let stressful situations shorten your life. Look at it like this. If you go to work everyday and work hard (instead of smart) to meet your deadlines and numbers but you're not taking care of yourself, when you die from exhaustion and stress guess what will happen. Someone will be hired to fill your place.

Do you! At the end of the day, don't let people tell you who you should be. Do you. Live your life. Enjoy yourself. Enjoy who you are and who you've grown to be. Even enjoy what you've been through. Your life experiences are what make you who you are. Growing into a mature adult has taught me to spend more time pleasing myself rather than consuming myself with pleasing others. Yes, you can do nice things for people in your life and be considerate, but you also have to think about yourself sometimes.

When did you become so insignificant that you began to not matter? You are as important as you family, friends, husband, wife, kids, pets, boss. Just do you! No two people in this world are "exactly" alike, so be comfortable in your uniqueness. Don't worry about what people think of you. Who are they to judge? Do you!

Last but not least, ignore people and don't feel bad about it. To minimize confusion, stress, and irritation, I ignore people, friends, family, etc on a regular basis. You have to do that sometimes. When I say ignore, I mean literally tune out their conversations. I've found out over time that when you listen to all of everyone's words, stories, and issues it will overload your brain and take away from your own sanity. So, just ignore people...unless you're a therapist. It actually works quite well, unless someone asks you something about a previous conversation. In those cases, just nod your head and change the subject. In short, DO YOU!

LIVE SMART, LOVE LIFE, AND ENJOY EVERY MOMENT THAT IS GIVEN TO YOU!

Earth Day 2008

Happy Earth Day! Today is the day we show appreciation to this beautiful planet by raising the awareness of how to improve the environment. We can also reflect on improvements that we have already made in improving the environment. There are so many things that we can do every day to take a part in saving the planet. So don't let Earth Day be the only day you help out.

Every effort is a big step towards helping to save this planet. What can you do to help out this planet?

*Go green
*Go hybrid
*Recycle
*Pick paper, not plastic
*Conserve water
*Use less energy....Lights Out!
*Drive less

These are just a few things that can be done. Find out what you can do to help the environment at EPA.gov. Together we can help to save this planet.

Gas Price Tips: Don't Let it Fall Below the Halfway Mark

Gas prices are outlandish these days, and it's really hard to save money while giving it all away at the pump. Well, there are a few things that you can do to make the money last longer, but it may take a little while to see change.

I for one have limited options on conserving gas, but I try my best to save here and there when I can. Here are a few that help me and my
friends out with the rising gas prices:

1. Carpool once or twice a week. Find out if any of your colleagueslive near you and set up a carpool. (Make sure the people in your carpool are tolerable. There is nothing worst that riding with an annoying person to work every day.)

2. Purchase a gas giftcard each pay day or once a month. QuikTrip (QT) Gas Stations sell gift cards and they can be used at the pump. By using a giftcard, you can better regulate and pay attention to how much you spend on gas each week. Once you have run out of money on the card, you have an opportunity to review how much you have driven over the week and determine if you need to minimize travel.

3. Plan before driving. Many of us have errand days that we pick to handle everything we need to do that day. Map what you're going to do. Do not leave the house until you have a plan, because you might end up aimlessly driving back and forth to places when you could have gone a route that would take you in one direction rather than 10.

4. Find an alternate, quicker route to work that has minimal traffic lights and traffic.

5. Slow down. Change your driving habits, by going slower speeds. The faster you go the quicker you burn out gas.

6. Don't let it fall below the halfway mark. Once your gas hand falls below the halfway mark, it costs more to fill up your tank. I don't know if it's some type of conspiracy that the oil companies and car manufacturers have, but I've noticed that it takes more money to get the gas hand to the halfway mark than it does to keep it over the halfway mark. Weeks that I keep my tank over that mark, I spend a little less filling up. Try it out. It may work for you.

7. Keep up with your oil changes. Maintaining a healthy engine and healthy car can help you to save in the long run on gas and maintenance.

8. Catch the bus. Public transportation is much cheaper than personally paying at the pump.

9. Move closer to your main destinations if you are flexible with where your.

10. Go Green. Purchase a hybrid car. The cars are more expensive but save you more in the long haul.

11. Ride a bicycle, moped or motorcycle when the weather permits.

12. Walk. If you live close to everything you do then walk. It's good for your health and it costs you nothing but time.

Let's save our dollars while saving the environment!

Getting Them Out: The Kids Are Grown Now cont'd

In the previous article entitled Taking Back Your Life: The Kids Are Grown Now I mention that it is now time for you to enjoy your life. But what if your grown kids/young adults still live with you and you can't get them out of your home. Sometimes, these young adults get comfortable with the thought of saving and spending their money as they please (if they have any) while they live off of you virtually rent and debt free. When do they grow up? When do they leave? When are you completely free?

It all depends on your situation, and the purpose that young adult serves in your home. I haven't forgotten about those situations where they are needed for care of a household member, or they may actually help out with your bills. In those cases, they will typically leave at some point. Just make sure you are saving the extra money while they are helping you out. You can save for yourself or for them, depending on your personal and financial situation.

For those who need to leave and take on the adventure of adult life, here are a few tips on getting them out of your home:

1. Annoy them to no end. If you annoy them, they will eventually leave. The key is to find something to complain about everyday. Eventually they will leave because they can no longer take the nagging and insults. Move their stuff around. Go through their things. It's all cruel but it works.

2. Move and leave them where they are. They can't stay there without you, so they will have to leave to. That only works if you are currently renting, but it is easy to do. When you move, downsize to a smaller home with less bedrooms. Where there is no space there is no place....for them.

3. Discuss the situation with them. This typically a good technique for a mature young adult. Have a long conversation about his/her/their long-term and short-term plans, and ask where they see themselves over the next year or two. Hopefully, they see themselves outside of your home. If not, let them know how important independence is to their growth and development as an adult.

4. Make them sign a short-term lease, where they pay your rent on a monthly basis. Don't make the rent too small. It will get them too comfortable. Price it a little high, create a savings account, and secretly save the part of the rent your really don't need in the account for future use. The future use will be you giving them that part back later as a downpayment for a home or apartment. The short-term lease cannot be renewed. If you allow renewals, this is making them too comfortable with the situation and gives them a sense of ownership in your home. After the short-term lease is up (or 1 month prior to the end-date), sit down and discuss their moving plans. Let them know you have saved some money for them to move with and you will give it to them on moving day.

It hurts to push your kids out who are now adults, but it has to happen. Otherwise, they will not learn responsibility in life. Now, don't get me wrong. The job market is very hard to get into these days. People are firing more than their hiring. So, if the young adult is making a conscious and active attempt at finding employment and housing, then be a little patient. You are still his/her parent. However, if they are making no efforts or attempts at becoming independent you have to give him/her the push that may be needed into adulthood.

Try what works for you and your offspring(s). And for the parents who can't let go of their kids/young adults who want to move...LET GO!. Let them have the same chance at adulthood as you did. Cut that umbilical cord, and beginning to get to know yourself. Enjoy your life and the you that has been subdued for years. You're free!


Here are some suggestions for those young adults who are having a hard time (procrastinating):

Apartment Finder
Apartment Guide
Rent.com

Careerbuilder
Hot Jobs
Monster.com

Taking Back Your Life: The Kids Are Grown Now

So, you're parent and you have finally reached the stage of your life where your kids are all grown up. They are either going to college, in college, or at home with mom adults who just got out of college. They no longer need your guidance, instruction, and daily parenting on a regular basis. Your job is done. So, WHAT NOW!

Your new life begins today. The only problem is that you either feel guilty about retiring some of your parenting duties, or someone in your life is making you feel bad about taking the pacifier out of your kids mouths. I have one piece of advice to give. IGNORE THE HATERS. You have done your job. If your young adult makes mistakes in life, at this point, it is their responsibility. Now, there are cases where parents are definitely still needed in helping to build structure in young adults. Advice can be offered to your young adults at that point, but their decisions become learning experiences for them. You don't want them to make any of the same mistakes that you made as a young adult, but sometimes you have to live and learn. That is life.

So, it is now time for you to detach the umbilical cord, and live! What do you plan on doing with your new free time? You have a new lease on life. No more games, no more parent-teacher meetings, no more track meets, no more practices, and no more pre-planned weekends (planned by the kids).

Here are a few suggestions to handling your new born freedom:

1. Go on your 1st vacation without you offspring(s).
2. Make every weekend count. Go to the park, a movie, shopping for yourself only, or just sit back and enjoy the quiet and comfort of an empty home.
3. Spoil yourself.
4. Become a little selfish.
5. Sleep.
6. Start a savings account, or build on your current investments.
7. Get your tubes tied (if you haven't already done so).
8. Do the things you've avoided for years because of your obligation as a parent.
9. Rejuvenate your relationship with your spouse or significant other.
10. ENJOY BEING YOU

Congratulations on reaching this new chapter in your life! Now enjoy yourself. Book a trip and celebrate. You earned it.


Picture from http://www.flickr.com/photos/ilovethecolts/470526128/

Living a Long Life: It's Still Possible!

I ran across an interesting article today that helped me to get an understanding of a question I have had for years. How do people live to be 100+ years old these days and where is their fountain of youth? On Sunday, April 20, 2008, a woman from Shelbyville, Indiana will turn 115 years old. WOW!

How did she do it? How do people make it to 100? The article by Rick Callahan entitled "At 115, Woman Defies Incredible Odds", Callahan offers findings from a study that was taken on the elite class of individuals who make it to the great age of 100.

The findings were quite simple. People who make it to 100 have the following 3 similarities that are considered the secrets to a long life:

1. Genetics
2. Environmental factors
3. Good management of stressful events

Scientists have found genetic mutations in the centenarians that may be a factor in slowing down the aging process or increasing resistance to age-related diseases and illnesses.

Many of these individuals have good health habits. The oldest woman, Edna Parker, lived on a farm most of her life and it is assumed that she lived a healthier life than many of us do. For starters, living on a farm automatically give you a better air quality. Living in urban, more populated areas can have an impact on your health over time. Many of my great grandparents lived well into their 90s, and they all lived in rural areas, "the country". So, there had to be something with their environments that helped with the longevity of their lives.

As for stress management, these individuals do not seem to dwell on stressful situations like many of us do. In a previous article I wrote, I mentioned that my older relatives dealt with so many adverse situations in the early 1900s, yet they were able to still live long, full lives. Well, now I better understand why. Stress management, as shown in Callahan's article, is the key. We all have stressful situations that we must tackle throughout life, but how we handle stress when those events occur is important.

Let's all live a long life. Cherish every moment of your life, and don't let the little or big things get to you. We all go through situations in life that may be challenging, but let those situations make you a better you. Don't let them get the best of you. Like the saying goes, "Live, Love, Laugh".

What Are We Doing to this Planet???

Over the past year, I have really been concerned with the state of this planet. What did Earth ever do to us to make us want to just destroy it? Well, it is time for us to take charge of the situation.

There are several Go Green campaigns out there that are helping people to become aware of the problems this planet is facing.

"According to the U.S. Census Bureau, the world population is expanding at a mind-boggling rate. The world reached 1 billion people in 1800; 2 billion by 1922; and over 6 billion by 2000. It is estimated that the population will swell to over 9 billion by 2050. That means that if the world’s natural resources were evenly distributed, people in 2050 will only have 25% of the resources per capita that people in 1950 had." Go Green Initiative

We have to help save this planet. Little changes in your lifestyle and habits can help:

1. Take your own shopping bag to the grocery store. Stores like Publix and Kroger now have shopping bags you can purchase that are reusable. This cuts down on the use of plastic. Plastic bags can take up to 1,000 years to break down.

2. Use less paper, but if you have to use paper remember to recycle.

3. Use paper plates, and recycle them when done. This will cut down on the use of water.

4. Be aware of how much water you use when taking showers.

5. Car pool.

6. Keep up with maintenance needed on your vehicle. Bad emissions equals pollution.

7. Turn off your lights if you are not using them.

8. Drive less. Minimize the time you spend on the road. Riding a bike to places near your home is still an option and a good form of exercise.

Not only will changing some of your daily habits help save the planet, your daily modification can also help your budget out some. You would be amazed at how much we waste on a daily basis.

I challenge you to look at what you use everyday, and think about how the things that you use everday impact the environment. Are you wasteful? If so, find ways to help the environment. We have to work together to save this planet...unless you like unstable weather patterns, smog, and depleting resources.

Check out some of the images of our impacts on this planet on Two JetSet Divas...and a Map. You will be amazed at what you see.

Gas Prices Rising Quicker Than Salaries

A few months ago, I was sitting in my review with my manager, anxious as to how much my salary increase would be for the year. I was hopeful that the company would take into consideration the fact that gas prices, food, insurance, and the cost of living in general are all quickly rising.

Once my manager showed me my increase, I realized that my hopes were shattered in a sense. I did get an increase, which was good. However, when I calculated the increase in my living expenses and the estimated gas budget that I now have to keep, the figures showed me that the increase had no impact on my income whatsoever.


The question now is, "how do you save if the cost of living is increasing faster than your income?" In addition to the increase in the cost of living, companies are trying to find new ways to cope in this economic disaster. Sadly, no one will really admit to the fact that we are in a recession, trends are happening that yell recession. Recently, I have noticed that retail stores are having several sales, and items go on clearance quicker than they even hit the stores. This is because these companies are getting hit by this economic low just like everyone else. They cannot keep merchandise on hand too long and they need to make profits in order to keep stores open.

For all of us to feel some relief, what can be done to fix the economic state? Because I'm more concerned at the personal level, I have some suggestions that will help individuals increase their own income by decreasing their spending habits.

1. Take advantage of the Economic Stimulus Tax Rebate. The tax rebate should be expected in many households this year, and it couldn't come at a better time. I have decided to take my rebate and put it in a separate account for gas, since gas prices are increasing ever so quickly. Another suggestion would be to put the money in a CD or savings account, because times are getting unpredictable.

2. Save a dollar a day to build a multi-million dollar retirement. I can't promise that everyone will make millions from saving a dollar a day, because it all depends on when you start to save. However, saving a dollar a day can still give you a comfortable retirement, and a comfortable savings plan. Even if you don't save a dollar a day, companies like Wachovia and Bank of America have wonderful programs out there to help you save while making daily transactions.

3. Cut costs. There are so many things that we do everyday that are wasteful, and we don't even notice. Cut down laundry loads. Turn off lights that aren't needed. If you are not in a room, then turn the light off. Review your bills to determine what can be decreased and/or eliminated. Charge less. Your credit card bills could be eating away at your income. Use energy efficient light bulbs. Carpool or take the bus to work. Take your lunch to work. Cut coupons!

4. Don't shop as frequently as you did before. If you are a shopper like me and love clothes, shoes, fine jewelry and anything the retail world has to offer, don't fall for the tricks. The sales and clearance events are appealing, but you are on a budget. I know these businesses need to stay in business, but not at the expense of our livelihood. I'm not saying to eliminate shopping altogether. Just spend wisely. Otherwise, you will have a wonderful wardrobe but no electricity or gas to get to work.

There are so many options for saving money. Some are time consuming and others are as simple as changing out your lightbulbs. Each of these things will help you to save little by little over time, and remember that it's the little things that count.

Let's save money and not let the current economic state get the best of us. Our forefathers were not as wasteful as we are today. Make the most of what you have, and your retirement can be enjoyable.


For those of you more interested in finding information regarding the tax rebate, visit the following links:

Tax Rebate Calculator

Tax Rebate Schedule

What Have You Done for "Me" Lately?

Tax day is almost at a close. The month of April is already at it's midway point. And you have little to no me time as it is to enjoy this wonderful year. Well, what are you gonna do about it? What have you done about it? Get up and go or sit back and relax.

Doing for "Me" can seem like the hardest thing in the world, but it's really not. All you have to do is take the time everyday to do little things to make yourself happy, and this will result in the long term benefits. You will be happier, less-stressed, and more eager to enjoy every moment of life.

Here are a few suggestions of what you can do for "Me":

1. Take yourself to a movie.
2. Go buy yourself a new pair of shoes or that purse you've been craving.
3. Get your favorite frappuccino at Starbucks, then sit back and enjoy it.
4. Go play a round of golf.
5. Sleep!
6. Read a book.
7. Go for a walk. It's spring, so enjoy the sun, flowers, trees...
8. If you have allergies, sit by a window and enjoy nature's scenary.
9. Visit a spa. Many spas offer reasonable packages and services for those on a budget.
10. Go dancing.

Do whatever it is that makes you happy! Once you know what makes your happy treat yourself to your gift of "Me" everyday. You can change up what you do on a daily basis. Sometimes, I find just sitting by a window and watching the birds play near the bird feeder relaxing. Other times I enjoy watching my favorite movie, so that I can laugh the night away.

If you just can't find the time everyday to enjoy yourself, treat yourself to at least one day of "Me" time per week. Life is too short to waste on stress, depression, regrets, and work only. Take every moment for what it's worth. Once you're done reading this, you should go get ready for a stroll through the park...or just sit back, relax, and meditate.

A Guide to Budget Traveling: Travel as a Student and Broke Adult is Possible

You’re sitting in your room studying for an exam, tired, restless, and in need of some relaxation. I bet you’re thinking, “How did I get here?” You’re in college, classes have gotten the best of you, and you have been on edge for weeks now. Aside from all of the partying you have done over the past few months, you need a break from studies. So, you’ve now realized that you’re well overdue for a vacation, but needing a break isn’t the biggest part of your problems.

Even if you wanted a vacation, you have a college student budget. What do you do with the funds you currently have available? What can you do with the funds you don’t have available? Well, there are options. You can spend some time on the beach, in the mountains, or on foreign soil.

Rest assured, there are options for the budget traveler. Students and broke adults can now enjoy the luxury of last-minute vacations to destination locations. From motorcycle rides through the city to long days on the beach to a tour of London, low budget style anyone can enjoy a discount, mini vacation with minimal funds.

Let’s start with searching for the right ticket that fits your budget. Is your destination feasible for your pocket? You might find the perfect plane ticket to the perfect location, but can you afford the hotels, food, and transportation in that location? These are all things that the budget traveler must consider. When I was in college, I had the opportunity of traveling within the United States on a regular basis. Most of my trips entailed me visiting friends who attended colleges throughout the US. I traveled on a very low budget and usually in my reliable small car.

Who can you stay with to minimize the cost of room and board? Travel places where friends and family are close. If driving, how much gas money do you have available? You have to eat, so what is your food budget. Though it is easy to forget to eat on vacation, it is not realistic to think you will not need food. The price of food can vary from destination to destination.

You never know what last minute plans may happen and you never know what emergencies may occur. What if the tire goes flat and you have no spare? What if the car totally breaks down and you need a tow truck? What if you get injured during a freak accident? Planning is important, especially for the unexpected.

But let’s be real…you’re a college student. You don’t have to plan. That is part of the fun and joy of being a college student. Have fun. Enjoy life. Take a risk. But use some common sense. Keep a little extra money on the side in your travel budget for the unexpected. Life is not like a movie. You will not end up meeting someone who just happened to be at a restaurant or bar that you were at who is willing to just hand you thousands of dollars for being you. Think this through and enjoy yourself.

Planning

1. What is your personal budget? After taking care of personal bills, do you have anything left?
2. What is your travel budget? How much do you have available for this trip, which will allow you to still have money when you come home?
3. How will you travel? Plane, train, bus, car, boat….
4. What are your destination options? Domestic or international locations? Exotic or traditional?
5. What is the purpose of your travel? Relaxation, fun, or a little of both?
6. Where will you stay? Hotel, with friends, on a resort, in a bed and breakfast?
7. Would you like to see the sights or just relax?
8. How long will your trip be? Weekend or week long?

Tips

1. Be aware of exchange rates for international travel.
2. Be careful of your surroundings during travel.
3. American Express is your friend. The company usually has pretty good prices on exchange rates and traveler’s checks. If this is a last minute travel plan, you can visit an American Express store for currency and traveler’s checks. If you would like one on one contact with American Express travel agents, contact numbers are as follows:
Inside the U.S. call 1-800-297-2977
From outside the U.S. call 1-210-582-2716
*For those of you who have AAA, traveler’s checks issued by AAA are free and are available in all AAA branches. So there are always options.
4. When making travel arrangements, go through travel agencies that offer college and university student discounts, such as Student Universe and Euro Railways.
5. Also, be aware of student discounts available at everyday businesses. Savings on shopping needs can mean more money in your travel budget.

Picking the Right Destination

I am sure Cancun and South Beach are desirable for most Spring Breakers and summer travelers, but let’s be realistic here. How often can you really go to Cancun without wondering if there is some other place that is just as exciting? There are several destinations that are affordable, fun, and reasonable. Today's suggested travel destination is Montega Bay, Jamaica.

Montego Bay, Jamaica
Why Montego Bay instead of the many other destinations in Jamaica? For starters, Montego Bay is the easiest location to get to. Typically, travelers fly into Montego Bay and have to take a bus or helicopter to desired destinations on the island. So, staying on Montego Bay would automatically cut part of the travel costs. Also, there are several touristy venues and places on Montego Bay that allow the traveler many options once on the island. Another benefit is the hotel specials because Montego Bay is so heavily traveled.

Montego Bay is beautiful and has much to offer to the first time visitor. For more details on what Montego Bay has to offer, visit the Yahoo Travel Guide and Jamaica.com. As a budget traveler, I will tell you that it is cheaper to piece together trips at times, so you do not necessarily have to get trapped by a vacation package or resort. Jamaica has several hotels available for lodging, but you will have to pay for food and drinks separately. Please be aware of the native food. If you do not choose a package from a resort, you will have to fen for yourself. Just make sure you eat at establishments that look sanitary, and do not go too far outside of your element. When you do this, you open yourself for stomach issues, and that is not fun.

Whether it is Montego Bay, Daytona Beach, a friend's house in the country or travel to the next town over, it is important to just get away. One day away could give you the relaxation you need. So, broke adults and students, don't let your budget stop you from enjoying life!

Making the Most Out of Life

Recently, I did an article on how to relax and pamper yourself. After publishing the article, I launched a survey question that asked "are you making the most out of life." Of the responses, no one replied yes and no one replied once a year. Instead, the responses were "sometimes" and "NO!".

This concerns me for several reasons. We spend so much time in life working, stressing, worrying, caring for others, and anything that does not involve caring about ourselves. This goes for all people. If you are wealthy, your wealth still comes with a level of stress. Instead of financial stress, you are thrown into the world of lost time where you spend more time securing your financial status and less time with your family and friends. If you are not wealthy and are just comfortable, you are trying to either stay comfortable or become wealthy...and that takes time away from family, friends and self also. If you are neither, then you are trying to make it, day-by-day, check-by-check, and that is stressful in itself.

What can you do to fix this? What can you do to make the most out of your life? For starters, think more about yourself and less about others. I'm not saying be selfish or mean or negligent. I just mean that you are as important as anyone else in this world, so why not treat yourself like that.

For many years, I wondered why people used to live longer (like my great-grandparents) but they had the stresses of the world that we have today like wars, disease, poverty, etc. Well, I figured it out. Through all of the stress and issues that came upon them, they still found that "self" time that is so important in life. They also found joy in their families (even if they got on their nerves sometimes). The key is to slow down, take a breath, and enjoy life. Don't let the everyday problems of this world and your life get to you. If you are down, force happiness onto yourself. Go to a quick movie. Go window shopping. Go to your church, temple, or place of religion, if applicable. Go to the beach. Go to sleep. RELAX. Just relax and enjoy the time you have here in this world.

With less stress comes a longer, more enjoyable life. So, let's get rid of that stress. I did find an interesting article on eHow.com entitled "How to De stress your life" that shed some light on how to alleviate some of the stress of life. Like myself, the writer believes that making time for loved ones is important. We are here for only a short period of time, so take advantage of every moment.

TODAY, I CHALLENGE YOU TO MAKE THE MOST OUT OF LIFE. Start with 15-30 minutes a day of "me" time where you focus on yourself. Gradually increase that to 1 hour, and your life will begin to become more enjoyable and less burdened by stress. Try it. What can it hurt?

Relaxation Time: Living the 5-Star Life on a 3-Star Budget

I have a new lease on life, as of January 1, 2008. On January 1st I decided that I am important in every way. Though I have a busy life and several people who are in my life who require my time, I have often forgotten about the importance of M-E. Well, this year things are different. 2008 is about me and about my peace of mind. To start off on my efforts, I found that one of the best things for relaxation and finding peace is to get away. Not a long vacation, but a quick weekend stay at a nice hotel, bed and breakfast, cabin, etc. It is nice to just step out of life's monotonous activities that constantly remind us that we are living robots going towards the common goal of living life to pay bills, unless we make it to that stage of life where income and savings far surpass expenses.

To get over these monotonies of life, one thing came to mind for me. Why not make a year of it. I decided that every month I would go to a different hotel and just enjoy a day of relaxation and/or pampering. There is a catch to my new hobby. Instead of staying at the typical hotels, I only choose higher end hotels that offer suites and/or some type of luxury accommodation.

January was a busy month for me, so I did not have the opportunity to stay at a hotel. Instead, I took a day off of work and just enjoyed life. February was my stay at the Fairfield Inn by Marriott. I loved my stay at this hotel, and was able to gain points with the Marriott Rewards Program. The hotel offers reasonable rates and impeccable service. I was able to relax and had the option of enjoying the surrounding area.

March brought many surprises to me with my stay at the Ritz-Carlton.This experience was extraordinary. I enjoyed every part of my stay from the bellhop with the top hat to the concierge who handled any immediate needs to the room service. I had the privilege of staying in a suite, and it was beautiful, spacious, and relaxing. The suite was 660 square feet, and reminded me of a small, luxurious apartment. From the minute I walked into the doors of this wonderful, weekend escape, I felt like royalty. I felt like my hard work had finally paid off through my champagne wishes and caviar dreams that I had many times seen on Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous. The room was filled with toiletries from Bvlgari, and had French doors that separate the parlor and bedroom. There were 2 bathrooms, and a gorgeous view of the city. At night, room service delivered a complimentary fruit basket for a light evening snack.

There was so much about this experience that was wonderful, but I have to challenge you to enjoy such a weekend as I did. That is the only way you will know what the hotel has to offer. Even if for a honeymoon, weekend getaway, spring break vacation or an "I Love Me" day, everyone must take advantage of this wonderful establishment (or one like it in a city near you).

Though the Ritz-Carlton is a pricey hotel, there are ways to have a budget stay there. Hotels have slow periods each month (with the exception of the holiday season and summer). During these slow periods each month, they are able to offer lower rates. Therefore, research and timing are key. The research is time consuming, but it is worth the work.

One tip I will give about visiting 4- and 5-star hotels is to be mindful of tipping. When I entered the Ritz, I did not realize how many people must and must not be tipped. I was, however, able to find a useful guide on Good Housekeeping that could help with planning for the tipping that takes place in these establishments.

Regardless of if is at the a 5-star hotel or 3-star motel, the key is to relax, enjoy life, and enjoy yourself. Find things that interest you. Everyone may not like hotels. A day at the spa could be your quick fix to sobriety from life's woes. Just find your fix, because life is too short not to enjoy it and yourself.